As much as I do for others, I feel like I don’t get the same back. Even though I don’t do things for reciprocity, it would be appreciated if I was given the same treatment. If I’m all the way in for you, do everything in my power for you, respect you with everything in me, why aren’t you the same to me? I feel like every meaningful relationship in my life is uneven. I always give more, love more, do more. I love being able to do everything in my power for someone else. I only wish I knew what it was like to be on the other end, or even be on the same level. Anytime I’m the one giving less, the relationship is insignificant to me. I manipulate the person to elicit what I want and eat it all up. I make sure I’m getting way more than I’m giving, even if all I’m giving is a second glance. My past and current relationships theoretically seem to dictate my future ones. Even though I say I’m going to love less next time, I know that it isn’t in my control. I know that I’m going to want to give whatever I have. I know that I’m going to treat someone ideally, the way I’d want to be treated - whether they treat me the same or not. As trusting as I’ve become, it feels like I’m taking a huge step back. I always stick around to get the good out of someone and usually never find it. I need to find someone to give me everything I’ve given, plus interest because I know that I can do the same for them. This chronic, unbalanced dynamic of giving more than I’m getting makes it seem impossible for someone to see me the way I see them.